Why do some cats have long tails, some have crookity tails and some have no tails?

Long tailed cats have balance, so I think they got their long tails because they like to climb a lot and it just popped out longer to help them get around. Kitties with no tails developed because their ancestors lived in places where the people all had giant feet and their tales kept getting stepped on, so evolution just kind of made them shrink up to nubs. And kitties with crookity tails? Well, those poor guys got a car door slammed on them at some point, and they walk around with it kinda bent to say to their people SEE WHAT YOU DID??? YOU DID THIS TO ME!!! Because really, popping on a pillow just isn't enough when that happens.