I'm reach senior age, should I excercise more and or take vitamins? How many naps should I be taking a day?

When you're a senior kitty, you should exercise only when you feel like it, eat what you want when you want, and nap when you feel like it. Though, I think it's important that you get good protein sources, like real live fresh dead shrimp, because that will 1) make you healthy in your advancing age and 2) just make you happy. And when you're old, you need to be happy.

What do you do while your humans are away?

Last time, I hid in the closet because that damned dog Butters was here. I think when the Woman goes to walk to save the boobies, they're just going to leave a lot of food out one night and the Man will come home the next to make sure we're ok and he'll give us Stinky Goodness.

Do you ever go on vacations with the humans?

It's bad enough I had to endure the M-word across the country with the twice, and too many other times just around here. When they went away, the Younger Human keeps and eye on us. He brought that damned dog Butters with him, though. Luckily they were only gone like one night.

Does she love me or love me not?

Of course she does! What's not to love?

Heathcliff or Garfield?

Heathcliff, but only because I find Garfield to be so freaking repetitive that my mind wants to melt when I read it. And because I've never read Heathcliff. So that puts him up front.

Do you know Quasi (another kitty author)? Are you friends? What do you think of him?

I read his blog and I think he's awesome! I don't think he knows who I am, though...

Why does my kitty leave the litter box at a full run after he's pooped?

Because, if you jet out of the box at the right moment, you bring the wonderful aroma of what you've just done in a nice little ribbon of SMELL THIS wafting behind you, and really, it would be selfish to not share that.

Where in the world is the human, Matt Lauer?...and do we really even care?

I'm sure someone cares, and if they do...I looked and he's inside our TV. He doesn't seem to mind being there, but if anyone really wants him, they can come get him.

Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you...?

No, and you know what? I don't get get what I'm hoping for, either, No open door, nothing leading to and endless supply of real live fresh dead shrimp. On the bright side, no dreams have slipped through my hands, but that's only because I don't have opposable thumbs!

Who's smarter...the man or the woman?

Really...they're about the same smart, which isn't saying much. The Man is smarter about some things, like remembering what's on TV and passing gas, and the Woman is smarter at other things, like....like... Well, there's something, but who knows what it is. If I think of it, I'll get back to you.

Max, how do you feel about vacuum cleaners?

They suck...

Why do humans insist on drinking out of tall, skinny glass things? A bowl is so much easier!

They like to show off. it's that whole opposable thumbs thing. They have them and we don't, and they like to make us feel inferior because of it, and that's one way they can rub it in. And people, they really like to rub things in...

What do you think makes a REAL mancat (like yourself)?

I think you're just born with it or not. Even if people get your fun bits lopped off...

How come it takes way so too many naps for Santa Claws to come?

I had to think about this long and hard. At first, it just doesn't seem fair. Santa should come at least once a month, right? But then I figured no, if he came that often it wouldn't be anything special. So I think he settled on once every 3,617,149 sleeps so that we would appreciate it more.

You talked about getting depressed becuz our quilts don't smell right? What is the best way to handle depression?

Find something your People like and treat it to a toothy death. That helps depression a lot...

How do you take such good care of yourself?

I follow a very strict daily regimen of good food (start your day the stinky goodness way!), plentiful sleep (if you're not napping 8-10 times a day, you're not getting enough quality rest), and dedicated grooming (enough that you wind up hocking up a hairball every 5-7 days.) It's very simple, and if you follow this, plus score crunchy treats at least once a day, you can have a slight sliver of my awesomeness for yourself.

What activities do you and Buddah like doing?

Together? There aren't many. Once in a while we get a rousing game of Thundering Herd of Elephants going, but that's about it. We like the usual cat things, too, like napping and eating and power pooping, but those are things we do on our own. I certainly don't want him there when I'm trying to drop a 7 pound poop. and no one wants to be there when he's in the box. Really, I think something crawled up inside of him and died...

Max, Max! I think The Woman would really appreciate if you did this too! I know my mom does when I do it. She thrashes and makes a lot of noises. Pyew

Heh.

While I sometimes help with the reading, I haven't quite done that.

I think I shall :)

Most of the time my human goes food foraging, she fails to include me. How should I best punish her?

Dood...why would you WANT to go out foraging for the foods? That's WHY you have her! To get it for you! Now, if what she's bringing home is unacceptable, then barf it up all over her pillow a few times and she'll get the hint. But really? You don't want to go out with her when she's getting the foods. There are sticky little people out there. Grabby sticky little people...

Who is Buddah's favorite human?

He seems fairly partial to the Man, but really, he's an equal-opportunity suck up.

Do you think we should give our humans report cards?

Nah...they'd just get all depressed and whiny with all the bog fat Fs they'd keep getting...

What are you doing for the rest of your life...north and south...of your life?

Eating, sleeping, pooping... Like, what else is there that's worth the effort?

What do you think should be done about the oily ocean?

First, I think that Tony guy that was supposed to make sure crap like that didn't happen should be forced to go out there and start cleaning up oil by hand, with no days off, and he should only get to eat bologna and peanut butter sandwiches while he works. And the company should stop making the damned "We're so sorry" commercials and spend that money cleaning up the damned oil. And they need to start PAYING ATTENTION to the 1300000 ideas people have on cleaning it up, because some of them make good sense and hey! Maybe it'll get cleaned up!

No, instead they're sort-of working on it, and I say sort-of because it doesn't seem like they're working hard enough, and they're lighting the oil on fire which is cooking some sea life, like boiling them alive. A bunch of endangered turtles...cooked. And that's just mean.

And oh yeah, all the people out of work? That company needs to pay them every freaking dine they would have earned while they can't work. ALL OF IT. And they can't say they can't afford it, because they have huge cash reserves and even more oil reserves.

Stop talking and GET IT DONE, you wankers.

And then...then...the heads of that company can come here and suck my hairy black and white asterisk...

What is your favorite color?

I am partial to red. Red makes my glorious fur seem that much more awesome. That's why I have a red collar, and I like to sleep on Buddah's red bed. But best of all is my red Gizzy quilt. That's, like, WICKED good red.

Why do our Humans send visitors away JUST when we decide we like them?

Because people can only stand so much of each other, and kick each other out before they start hating each other. Plus, visitors smell like fish by then. Apparently other people don't like that. No one ever stops to think that the kitties like the smell of fish, and that's why they start liking the strange new people.