Where do kittens come from?
The SPCA, a box in front of Tarzhey Booteek with a couple of sticky people begging people to take one, newspaper ads, and Craigslist, apparently.
How long is a "power" nap?
About 2 hours, or until some thoughtless person makes a noise and startles you awake...
Should I worry about someone coming into our home, moving stuff around, and removing stuff?
If they're there without your people being there, yep, you should worry. Because one way or the other, they'll find a way to blame you...
I really enjoy reading Ask Max Anything. What is your favorite part of doing it?
Knowing that I'm helping the world become a better place.
No, really.
Well, that and the chicks... ;)
No, really.
Well, that and the chicks... ;)
What is your favorite thing about being a ginormous world famous author, blogger, and now an advice columnist?
The chicks, doood, the chicks...
Max--there's a new cat in my house. How do I get rid of him. I've tried deathly ill and now I am trying to swat him to death, but he ignores me.
You do know Buddah is still here, right? Sometimes even my best efforts fail.
My human likes to watch something on the picture box, called Unknown Persons. If they are unknown, why does she want to watch them?
So she can come to know them, I guess. People are weird that way, thinking they can figure it all out...
I want to dream the impossible dream, but what is it? I thought anything was possible!
Well...anything is possible, but not everything is possible. So dreaming the impossible dream is entirely possible, but figuring out what it is might not be possible, because if it was possible then the dream would not be impossible, therefore causing you to divide by zero and making the universe implode.
Do I need to change my white furs to "winter white" after the U.S. holiday called Labor Day?
This is truly a choice each kitty can only make for himself. Me, I'm going to keep my spectacular white underside just as it is, because it is GLORIOUS and deserves to be highlighted every day of the year.
When my human has company, how many additional humans should be allowed before I get hissy?
None. In fact, go ahead and get hissy at just the IDEA that there might be extra people. Just get hissy at the ones already there, because surely they've done something to deserve it. It is your divine right to get hissy, for any reason at any time. Embrace it.
In the litterbox...is it REALLY neccessary to cover?
Well, no. It's not necessary, but it sure is less gross. If you want to annoy the people after an especially disgusting litterbox deposit, don't cover, since the smell will hit them like a Mike Tyson sucker punch, but otherwise...yeah, cover. It'll make stepping into the box the next time a less tap-dancy kind of thing.
whats my cats name?
I don't know...have you asked him? He might tell you if you ask nicely and offer some crunchy treats or real live fresh dead shrimp.
Do you like rides in the car? Does Buddah?
Nooooo...Rides always mean something bad is going to happen, like the M-word or a trip to the stabby place. Buddah doesn't like them, either, especially if the end result is the M-word.
do you like kitty crack...er cat nip?
Does Dolly Parton have ginormous boobs? Does the Pope wear a funny hat? Does a bear scarf Cheetos when an idiot camper leaves them out?
Every time mom we hear of furry friends going to The Bridge, not only does leak lots of water but then she keeps squishing me. How can I keep her from
You can't doood. And maybe you shouldn't. I mean, it's kind of unpleasant, but every time one of our friends goes to the bridge it scares our people because they know that chances are we'll be going there, too, long before they'll be ready for that to happen. So they feel like they have to hold on, and they get all leaky because it scares them, and they feel bad for our friends' peoples.
I think intellectually they know we're having a pretty freaking good time at the Bridge, but if we're not HERE, they can't see us and touch us...sometimes we just have to let them squeeze us, and purr hard for them.
And then, when they've held and squeeze enough, we can pee on something they like. That's only fair.
I think intellectually they know we're having a pretty freaking good time at the Bridge, but if we're not HERE, they can't see us and touch us...sometimes we just have to let them squeeze us, and purr hard for them.
And then, when they've held and squeeze enough, we can pee on something they like. That's only fair.
Do you Jeremiah, that was a bullfrog? (He's was a good friend of mine.)
I knew him, but I never understood a single word he said. He had some wicked good wine, though. I helped him drink it. Word.
How deep is the ocean, how wide is the sea?
Deep enough to store enough real live fresh dead fish to last a Max lifetime, and wide enough for a bunch of real live fresh dead shrimp to do whatever real live fresh dead shrimp do before I eat them.
Max, have you read "Catalyst" by Anne McCaffrey and Elizabeth Ann Scarbourgh? If you did, what did you think of Chessie and Chester? Dee.
I haven't, but I bet the Man has. He likes Ms. McCaffery's books. At least there are a BUNCH of them on the bookshelf...
Have you actually had a fight with Butters, or do you just not like the sound of him?
I do not care to get close enough to that damned dog Butters to have a fight with him. I just make a beeline for my mancat cave when he's here, and pretend he's not here. I'm not sure he WOULD fight with me...he might just eat me and be done with it.
What is your definition of "cool?"
I just look in the mirror, baby, and there it is.
Wicked cool.
Word.
Wicked cool.
Word.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life...How will you spend it?
I'm thinking good, long nap. Followed by eating, and another good long nap. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Sometimes my kitties steal my stuff and hide it (like Lego pieces, hair clips, puzzle pieces) - what gives?! Kiera, the little bean
Well...you have interesting stuff. And it's kitty sized. Plus, it's fun to watch people look for things, and since you're now a bona-fied sticky people, it's fun to watch you look. The thing is, they'd tell you where they hid your stuff if they could. Because your kitties are cool like that...
How many blankets do you own?
All of them...but I let each of the people use 2 of them, and I have a couple stored away for future use. But they're mine. All mine.
When exactly is the 12th of Never? I know it's a long, long time.
It's right after the second Tuesday of next weekend...
When you come to a fork in the road, will you take the road less travelled?
Hell no. I'm going to stop and look for whatever real live fresh dead edible thing is there, because where there's a fork, there's food.
Several friends have lots of cats in the family. What would you do if your humans brought home more cats (or woofies)?
Before or after I killed them in their sleep...?
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