What IS the meaning of life (other than serving ceiling cat)??? - Beau, Southern Gentleman cat

I have spent a considerable amount of time researching. Many, many minutes consulting Google and other resources. The answer is shocking. Very shocking. The meaning of life is...

42.

Really!

Oh, and don't forget your towel.

Max, what is the attraction of farmville? It takes time away from ME. Chey

I really don't know. I don't play Farmville or Farmtown or MafiaWhatever...the Man uses my FB account for all that. I mean, why would anyone want to bother with that stuff when they could be on FB talking to me? I don't get it, either, I really don't.

We live with a stoopid woofie who keeps eating our catnip mice. How do we stop it?

I hate to admit, I do not know. When I had Hank the Dog I had visions of gluing his teeth together or covering some of my toys with stuff that dogs would hate and then make him think all my toys were like that, but then I might forget and lick one on accident... it was either tick the people off by ruining his teeth or risking getting a bad taste in my mouth. The only solution may be to hide your stuff. I wish I had better news.

Dear Max - how come my mommy gets to shovel the kitty poop but I don't get to? Kiera da Blurp

Well, honestly, I think it's because, while you're very very very smart for a blurp, you're still at that age where you might mistake a mighty Kimo or Sabi poop as a Toostie Roll. Once you're old enough to understand that just because one thing looks like another it's not necessarily that thing, she'll probably let you scoop kitty poop every day. hey, maybe even twice a day!

How do you think you should be punished for forgetting Buddah's brithday? Spitty-the-Kitty

Moi? I rolled around on his bed and graced it with my furs and funk. What more could he want? I should be rewarded, dood!

We have a really tall man-person-thing and we keep hearing him say he doesn't like cats, but he always lets us climb on him and sleep on him and he buys us lots of presents and pets us when we want. What gives?

What gives is that he's a human, and he probably thinks it's funny to tell people he doesn't like cats, when the truth is he's totally your beeotch. I bet he reads all the cat blogs, too, but tells people he's spending that time online looking at boobies and such.

If he's nice to you and gives you the things your deserve, and understands the fine art of a good head skritch, ignore what comes out of his mouth. Most of what people say is crap anyway.

Respond Hey, Max...we like to sleep on the bed with our humans at night. But we're always getting kicked by them during the night as they move around while they sleep. How can we get them to stop kicking us and let us get some sleep?

Sleep on their heads. They can't kick with their heads. You have to let them roll over every once in a while, but it's a safe place to be at night. Plus, you keep them nice and warm this way, so they should be highly appreciative of your innovation in sleeping there.

Alternately, sleep on their chests or their backs, whichever is most accessible. They might whine about being pinned down, but they get used to it. It's really fun when they don't expect it and wake up at 4 am with the crushing pressure on their chests...they get very excited about that feeling, especially if you've managed to wedge a foot against the nerves in their left arm and it goes to sleep. That's really fun.